The most ill-advised remakes in history

You really can't get away from remakes, can you? Be it a classic masterpiece that gets a trendy update or a translation of an only just released foreign film, cinema is cluttered with remakes that rarely live up to the originals. Now, instead of creating a list of the worst, I've decided to list what I think are the most ill-advised remakes, interpretations of classics that so horrendously miss the point, that cast completely wrong people, or adjust the story to the detriment of the film. Remakes that just got it so very, terribly wrong.

The Haunting - Quite easily one of the chief offenders, director Jan de Bont gives us this extremely brash, loud, flashy and special effects driven version of what was an extremely subtle, understated and excellent ghost story that hasn't yet met it's match. It makes you wonder, did de Bont and the producers watch Robert Wise's original and say "Massive CGI displays!"? It was something that should have been creepy, atmospheric and unsettling, but with the ridiculously over the top set design it's anything but. Not even Liam Neeson could save this disaster.

Diabolique - It's amazing to think they took the classic French title Les diaboliques and turned it into this dreadful Sharon Stone film that was seemingly made just to cash in on her femme fatale status after Basic Instinct. What's so ill-advised about it was that someone thought it was a good idea to have the director of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Jeremiah S. Chechik to helm this remake. The direction here is so inept that the murder scene actually comes across as comical. Chechik then went on to make The Avengers.

Psycho - Shocking to think that Gus Van Sant followed up the success of Good Will Hunting with this. Remaking Hitchcock is bad enough, but to cast Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates? Don't get me wrong, Vince can act and he was great in Swingers, but for the role made famous by Anthony Perkins he was just horribly miscast. It's a remake, that for all the similarities with the original, just came out as inferior rubbish.

The Wicker Man - Without a doubt the original Wicker Man with Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee was one of the greatest classics of the Horror genre. For some reason writer and director Neil LaBute thought it was a great idea to remake it as a farce where Nicolas (Argh the bees!) Cage runs around in a bear suit beating up women. This isn't just a bad remake, it's one of the very worst films of all times.

The Vanishing - Directors remaking their own films is a very special kind of mistake when it comes to American remakes of foreign titles. The original Dutch film is nothing short of utterly chilling, but director George Sluizer somehow got roped into making a truly dismal American version with Kiefer Sutherland and Sandra Bullock. That's so dreadful about it is the horrible tacked on happy ending this version treats us to, rather than the disturbing and bleak ending of the original.

The Assassin - Luc Besson's Nikita, an absolutely essential piece of film-making, one of the greatest thrillers of all time. The horrible American version The Assassin, or Point of no Return as it was also called, served only to spit in the face of the original, Bridget Fonda was terrible and simply cannot compare to Anne Parillaud in Nikita. Quite easily one of the worst and most soulless remakes out there.

Get Carter - A remake of the classic English gangster film. What makes this particularly bad is that Sylvester Stallone takes over the title character from Michael Caine, and it's turned into more of an action film. What's even worse is the fact that Caine actually takes part in the remake in a supporting role. I rather like Stallone, but he was completely wrong for Carter.

Nightwatch - Much like director George Sluizer did with The Vanishing, writer and director Ole Bornedal remade his own film in America with Ewan McGregor and Nick Nolte. The original Nightwatch was just superb, extremely suspenseful and disturbing. The American version wasn't, it was limp and lacked any of the character that made Bornedal's original what it was.

Day of the Dead - Vegetarian zombies. Zombies that can climb walls and scamper along ceilings. Nick Cannon. I'd dare say there's not a single element of this abysmal remake that's not ill-advised, it's a disaster of the highest order. You can read my review of it here.

The Ring 2 - Like with the directors of The Vanishing and Nightwatch, Hideo Nakata is another who's travelled to America to do a version of his own film. The original Ring was far superior to Gore Verbinksi's version, a far more subtle and atmospheric film, where the remake threw in nonsense with horses and over-embellished the special effects. What Nakata does with The Ring 2 is expand upon the very worst elements of the remake, the scene with the deer was laughable, and the film displays none of the subtlety of his Ring or Dark Water. It's really just atrocious.

Also see my post When Remakes Are Good.